Love is a Decision
1 John 4:19
"We love him because he first loved us."
This is a profound statement about the nature of love. The central teaching is that our love, both for God and for others, is not an innate quality or our own initiative. It is a direct and natural response to the love God has first shown us. God's action is the cause, and our capacity to love is the effect. We cannot generate perfect love by our own strength, but our capacity to love is a reflection and echo of the inexhaustible love God has poured into our lives.
Love as an initiative
Just as God took the initiative to love us without our deserving it, this verse teaches us that love between partners should not be a conditional response ("I love you if you love me"). In difficult times, when resentment or indifference arises, this verse calls us to take the initiative to love first, forgive first, and serve first, emulating God's example.
The source of our capacity to love
A couple's relationship can cease to be a "you give me, I give you" transaction and become an overflow of the love each has received from God. A couple can love better because both have been filled with God's love. Their love for each other is not only sustained by their own feelings, but is anchored in a much greater and more perfect source of love.
Love as a reflection
Love within a couple is strengthened when both see that their love is not only directed toward the other, but is a reflection of God's love in their lives. This allows them to love in a more unconditional, compassionate, and patient way, knowing that their capacity to love does not depend on the perfection of the other person, but on the grace they have received.